Just Jess
by MoreThanSimplyWords
Summary: She knew that words could change lives, but she didn't know the extent of that truth until she read his book. Rory, as she reads Jess' book.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N****: In this story, Rory and Logan didn't break up after the fight in the pub. This is basically an introduction chapter; the next one will have more dialogue, I promise. ;) Thanks for reading!**

It took me a while to gather the courage to open the cover, even longer to turn the pages. I knew this wouldn't be like any other book, no matter how good or bad the writing was. I'm fully aware of the ability Jess Mariano's words have to turn my day, week, year, _life, _even, upside down. I noticed my hands trembling and rolled my eyes. _Good grief, Rory, you haven't even read the first word._ In my hesitation, I noticed the dedication. _"To the one person who knew I could do it all along - you know who you are. - Dodger." _My heart skittered and I bit my lip on the sharp intake of breath the words provoked. There's no doubt about it. He dedicated it to me. Jess dedicated a book to me. That was it - I couldn't read anymore right now. I placed the book at the bottom of my dresser. I didn't particularly want Logan to find it. It would bring up too many questions, and the way he had ridiculed Jess at the pub only strengthened my desire to keep it out of sight. I pursed my lips. Part of me longed to pick the book back up, sit down for a few hours, and be done with it. The other part fully acknowledged the fact that there was definitely such a thing as too much Jess Mariano. After thinking for a ridiculous amount of time, I decided to read the book in small portions. Everyday, I would read for fifteen minutes. No more.

Day by day, I worked my way through the book. I loved it, really. It was unique, witty, and drew me in. Despite the fact that I was used to tearing through books like there was no tomorrow, I began to enjoy reading slowly. Most days, at least. When Jess's words were in front of me, it was impossible not to drag up memories I thought I had left far behind. Some days brought peaceful, enjoyable memories. Others made my stomach feel hollow to the point where I had to stop reading. Days like that, the book was quickly buried under piles of clothes while I tried to push all thoughts of him out of my head. I spent more time with Logan those days, hugging him a little longer, kissing him a little more. But it didn't feel right anymore. Until this point, I hadn't realized that one could get simple words and phrases stuck in their head. But Jess's words from his book rung in my ears. Sentences about loss and life in general. The more I read, the more I thought about him, and the more I attached myself to Logan. I tried to cover it up, but I felt so off-kilter. _You're being ridiculous,_ I told myself_. That's just what Jess does to people. Not being able to get him out of your head doesn't mean a thing. _Most of all, the more I thought of him, the more I wished I could go back and change everything. I spent so much time debating with myself - _You must have really hurt him…it's all in the past, it shouldn't matter now…he understood me…he hurt me…he came back. He cleaned up his act, and came back for me…I never could trust him. How much could he have changed in a year?…he still loved me. I never gave him another chance…he's better off without me…he's the reason I'm back at Yale._

I found myself watching Logan. I watched him terrorize Paris, make elaborate weekend plans, and do stupid stunts with Colin and Finn. It made me look around at my life - Logan had changed me, more than I'd like to admit. If I was really honest with myself, I never thought I'd steal a boat, spend the night in jail, or be participating in crazy Life and Death Brigade activities. And while Logan had made me more adventurous, I'd also had the biggest fight of my life with my mom, dropped out of Yale, and become complacent. The more I watched, the more Jess's words rung in my head. _"This isn't you! You, going out with this jerk with a Porsche. We made fun of guys like this!"_ The more I watched,the more discontent I became. So I read. If I squinted hard enough, I could almost see faded ink etched into the margins. I could see glimpses of the moody seventeen year old I had once known and loved, and the traces of a man I hardly knew. And suddenly I realized why I loved his book - it didn't remind me of anything. It was just Jess. Jess and the summer nights we shared on the bridge. It was his eyes and the feeling of his arms around me that seeped through the pages. His hints of a smile and his ever-present one-liners. Just Jess. I smiled to myself. If I ever got the chance to tell him what I thought of his book, I knew exactly what I would say.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't own Gilmore Girls. Thanks for reading!  
**

Friday was the day it all came crashing down. Incidentally, it was also the day I got the flyer. I had been rushing around everywhere: classes, the paper, and desperate runs to the coffee cart. As soon as I was finished, Paris dragged me forcibly into her apartment for advice about Doyle. By the time she was done spilling her problems, I had been there almost two hours, and was trying hard to not pull my hair out. I eventually stumbled up through my own door, grabbed The Subsect and sat down. Today, though, I couldn't focus. Maybe it was the utter silence of the room, maybe it was because I had been so busy, maybe it was even the long talk with Paris about relationships that had me spending more time thinking about the author himself than his book. I sat, lost in my memories, until I couldn't stand it anymore. Exasperated, I stood up and grabbed the mail. I flipped through, not really seeing it, until my hand landed on a thick piece of purple paper, different from the usual intake of mail. "Jess Mariano" was scrawled in the corner. A laugh bubbled out of me at the irony. So much for getting him out of my head. I couldn't help but feel proud of him as I learned that Truncheon Books was having its open house. _He really made something out of himself. All he needed was a chance._ I stuffed the flyer in my dresser and picked up the book again.

"…_And I'm ready for this. You can count on me now. I now you couldn't count on me before, but you can now. You can!" _My own "No!" echoed in my head, tormenting me. Yes, Jess definitely had his problems. But he had tried. He had tried to be civil to my mom, tried to impress me with the Distiller tickets, and had been supportive of me - even if he didn't use so many words. Running off to California had been a huge mistake, but people change. I knew that now. I only wish I could have known it at nineteen.

I didn't entirely regret not running away with him - my mom, not to mention my grandparents, would have probably killed me, and Yale was too important to leave at that point. _That didn't stop you when you stole a boat and dropped out just a few months ago. Jess was the one who had to knock some sense into you. _But at the very least, I wished I would have kept in touch a little more. A phone call or email here and there would have been better than the utter silence that was our relationship for two years. Tears started slipping down my cheeks. I missed him. I missed his witty remarks, his smirk, his notes filling all my books. I missed loving him.

The door clicked. _Logan._ I swiped my eyes.

"Hey, Ace."

"Hi." I kept my eyes down as I rushed to throw my arms around him.

"So, I thought we could meet up with Colin and Finn tonight. Get a few drinks, have a good time. How about it?"

"Um…"

He pulled me back a few inches, searching my face. I could only hope that all traces of tears were gone.

He frowned. "You okay, Ace?"

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You've been different lately. You've changed."

"No kidding." I mumbled. _I __so__ did not mean to say that._

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I'm serious, Rory. Even when we're together, you're somewhere else. You're uptight, and you care too much. It's fine that you're back at Yale, but do you really have to stress about classes and the paper so much? You're in college - loosen up, have a little fun. This isn't you."

"_I know you. I know you better than anyone. What are you doing? Why did you drop out of Yale? This isn't you, Rory, you know it isn't."_

"Then you don't know me, Logan."

"Oh, don't give me that. I think I know my own girlfriend."

"No, you don't!" My voice rose. "If you knew me, you wouldn't make a big deal of me actually trying to pass my class! You wouldn't make me go to these stupid bar parties all the time!"

"It's all about you, huh? Life isn't just hard for you - I have problems too, but I don't let myself get all worked up. What's the point?"

"The point is, going out and partying isn't going to help in the 'real world'. I loved you, Logan, but very few good things have come of it. And there's been plenty of bad."

"Loved? I hang out with my friends every once in a while, and suddenly you don't love me anymore?"

"It's more than that. I stole a boat with you! Rory Gilmore does not steal boats!"

"That was your choice. Don't start blaming all of your problems on me." He began yelling, his voice growing louder with each word. "You're not perfect either, by far. I've stuck with you. The least you can do is try to do the same for me."

"Stuck with me? Am I that repulsive?"

There was a moment of silence. When he spoke, his voice was softer. "I didn't mean it like that, Ace."

The once endearing nickname felt cold and awkward. "Fine. But regardless, you don't respect me or the people I care about."

"I got along with your parents just fine."

"I'm not talking about my parents."

"Whoa, wait a second. This isn't about that Jess guy, is it? Because if it is -"

My brain scrambled for another answer. "Like Marty. You treated him like dirt. We don't even talk anymore because I started hanging out with you, Colin, and Finn."

"I already said I was sorry about the whole Marty thing."

I couldn't help myself any longer. "And yes, you were a complete jerk to Jess. He wrote a book. He made something of himself. If you had known him when he was eighteen…" My voice trailed off.

"So this _is_ about him."

"This is about us. You've changed me into somebody I don't even recognize. And I can't live like this."

His jaw twitched. "Fine. We're done here." He stomped out of the room.

In the back of my mind, I knew I should be hurt, tearful, even. But all I felt was relief.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Well, here's the final chapter! I was disappointed when Rory didn't tell Lorelai about when Jess came to Yale (at least that I know of) on the show, so I worked that in here. Thanks so much to everyone who has read, followed, favorited, or reviewed! :D**

"Hey, Hon!" My mom's cheerful voice came through the phone. "You'll never guess what I taught Paul Anka to do."

"Oh boy. This is going to be good."

"I taught him how to dance! Well, sort of. It's staying on his feet that he has trouble with. He kind of stands on two legs, tries to move, and falls over. But once he gets it right, he'll be fit for America's Got Talent."

I laughed. "Sign him up with Miss Patty."

"Ah, now why didn't I think of that? I knew there was a reason you got into Yale! Anyway, what's up?"

"Um, right now, I'm driving to Philadelphia."

"Why?"

I paused. "To see Jess."

"Wow." More silence. "I thought you hadn't seen him in years."

"He came to Grandma and Grandpa's house a few months ago, and showed me his book."

"Jess wrote a book?"

"Yeah. He was in the area, trying to get it distributed, and came to see me."

"Why are you going there now?"

"Logan and I broke up."

"Oh, Rory, I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"Well, I started reading Jess' book. And that obviously made me think about him a lot. I know he hurt me a lot, but I hurt him back. Especially with what I said…the last time I saw him."

"When he came a few months ago?"

"No…I never told you this, and I'm sorry, just don't freak out."

"Uh-oh."

"The week of Liz and T.J.'s wedding, he came to see me at Yale. He asked me to run away with him, and I kept telling him 'no'."

My mom snorted. "He really expected you to just drop everything for him after he left you like that?"

"I-I don't know. Regardless, he finally said told me to only say no if I really didn't want to be with him." My stomach tightened at the memory.

"Ah. And you said no?"

"Right. And I didn't see him again until a few months ago. After he showed me his book, we agreed to get something to eat a the next night. But Logan showed up."

"Oh boy. I'll bet that went well." I could almost see her rolling her eyes.

"That's an understatement. Logan was horrible - he kept making fun of Jess for writing a book. Jess stormed out and, when I followed him, confronted me about what I was doing with Logan, with the DAR, with Grandma and Grandpa…with Yale. He got me thinking, and it woke me up."

"Hold on. Are you telling me that _Jess_ is the one who convinced you to go back to Yale?"

I bit my lip. "Yeah."

"This conversation has just been full of surprises."

"Sorry. Anyway, ever since then, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. Logan and I…We fought, and it's just over between us. But I'm okay. Logan changed me, and not for the better."

"I have to agree with you on that one, kid. But why are you going to see Jess? Isn't it a little soon?"

"I got a flyer for Truncheon Books' - that's where he works - open house. I thought I'd go and see where it went from there."

"Ah, well, okay. Just…be careful."

"I will, Mom."

"One more thing. Was his book any good?"

I smiled. "It was great." For a second, I considered mentioning the dedication, but thought better of it. It felt too personal, even though it was out in the world for anyone to see. It was another one of Jess' mysteries that only he and I would understand.

"I still can't believe he wrote a book. If you had told me that when he was eighteen…"

I sigh. "Bye, mom."

I parked my car outside Truncheon Books, but anxiety kept my from opening the door. To avoid looking absolutely ridiculous, I pulled out my phone and aimlessly started pressing buttons. My stomach turned. What if he didn't want to see me after what Logan had said to him? What if I had changed so much, he didn't want anything to do with me? I took a deep breath, anticipation the only thing driving me forward. I had to see him. As I reached for the door handle, I was thrown off-balance as the door swung open from the inside. The next thing I knew, arms were on my shoulders, steadying me.

"Rory?"

I looked up into Jess' face, so close to mine. "H-hi." What was it about his man that made me feel like I was still in high school?

"Hi." His grip on me slowly relaxed, but he didn't let go of me.

I cleared my throat. "So this is Truncheon Books."

He stepped away and walked toward the center of the room. "This is it."

"I like it." I spotted Luke across the way. We made our way over there, but even as I met April, talked to Luke, and sat through the rest of the open house, images of Jess and me flickered behind my eyes. I saw us wandering through book stores in Stars Hollow and Hartford, exchanging witty, teasing remarks with each other, and the days we spent on the bridge. Every once in a while, Jess would catch my eye and smirk, making my heart beat as fast as it did five years ago.

I tried to read The Subsect again while waiting for Jess to finish talking to his friends. I was the last guest there, but my need to talk to him was overwhelming. My eyes scanned the words that had been lodged in my mind for months, but it was hard to concentrate when the writer himself was in the same room, his voice floating over my head.

"You don't have to read it again, you know."

I smiled at him. "You know why I love your book? It doesn't remind me of anything. It's just you."

"High praise, Miss Yale Editor." His hand brushed me lightly, setting every nerve in my body on edge.

We spoke a little more, of the paper, of his book, but eventually his eyes took on a thoughtful, distant look. He was quiet for a moment.

"You look a lot happier than the last time I saw you. You…fixed everything?"

_Ah, testing the waters. _My gaze locked on his. "Everything."

At that, he leaned closer. His head dipped slowly, giving me plenty of time to pull away if I wanted to. Then, finally, his lips brushed mine. I closed my eyes and let the thrill wash over me. How could I have let him go? In that moment, I knew I loved him. If there were any remaining doubts, they were erased in that instant.. We brought out the best in each other. There were a million other reasons that I was sure would make their way into my head at some point, but right then, all I cared about was the fact that Jess was pulling me closer. He wrapped his arms around me, while my fingers grazed the wild ends of his hair.

Even through the cloud of happiness that surrounded me, I knew there were things that needed to be said. I pulled away. "Jess," I said, just above a whisper. He looked down at me, a slightly dazed look in his eyes, like he couldn't believe that after all these years I was back in his arms.

"I'm sorry."

A look of apprehension passed over his face. "About what?"

"I'm sorry I didn't give you a second chance."

"You're here now, aren't you?"

I smiled slightly. "Yeah."

His gaze dropped to the floor. "Rory…" He took a deep breath, then looked beyond me. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry, too. I shouldn't have run off like that. And I want you to know that what I said a few years back…it's still true. I love you."

I grinned and stepped closer. "I love you too, Jess. I mean it. You were right…about all of it."

He smirks. "You still remember that, huh?"

"I have forgotten nothing in my life that ever had a foremost place there, and little that ever had any place there."

He smiles. "Ah, classic Dickens."

As our lips met again, I knew there would be more margin-writing, more arguments about The Fountainhead, and more moments just like this; moments that I'd hold onto forever.


End file.
